and the survey says

It's the most wonderful time of the year! And with that, comes the most brutal of office forced festivities. However, I happen to LOVE our Ladies Only Secret Santa game. I get such a kick out of being sneaky, stalking people on the internet to find out their interests and shopping, so this is right in my wheel house. Last time I worked in this office and participated in this game, there was drama including a woman looking her secret santa in the eye while theatrically dropping her gift in a garbage can. I couldn't let that kind of thing happen again, so I asked the veteran planner to let me take charge of it. To start off, I made up this survey for everyone to fill out so the Santa would know a little more about her girl. I don't know if this will help the game run a little more smoothly but I'm hoping so! However, when I was filling mine out, it really hit home the double life I lead. So, below, you will find the survey I submitted for my work Secret Santa game and the survey my darker, funnier evil twin of a real self would have submitted.

I think this will guide people to get me gifts I like... which was the point of the survey

And below, the version I would submit if the people in my office knew the real me.

Favorite Color: Black - like my soul

Favorite Snack: a spoon of peanut butter rolled in dark chocolate chips and eaten like a popsicle FOLLOWED BY an ice cream sandwich with roasted peanuts stuck in it followed by an oatmeal cream pie.

Favorite Guilty Pleasure: Taking hundreds of pictures of myself with my iPhone.

Silver or gold? Rose Gold and nothing less, loser.

Winter or summer? Summer because my skin clears up when I get a tan.

Sweet or salty? Sweet - like my soul

Neat or messy? Lived in. Too much either way is weird.

Edward or Jacob? The baby that almost kills Bella in BD1

Favorite way to spend a Saturday afternoon? Day drinking in a pool with my friends

Favorite way to spend a lazy week night? Eating Rosa's, watching Tivo on the couch with my boyfriend.

3 things you just love: TJ Maxx, when plans get cancelled and I can spend more time on the couch, stretchy work out clothes

3 things you just hate: Brad Paisley's cheesy lyrics and the fact that he's famous, Seminole, When people don't laugh at my jokes.

Now. For the hilarious responses to this survey I received from the other girls:

• One girl wrote the three things she hates are "Excuses, Incompetence and Laziness." Good to know. I will not buy you any incompetent or lazy gifts. Also, her guilty pleasure was reading... but her naughtiness was at a level 4?
• Multiple girls scratched out the question about Edward or Jacob and wrote their husband's name. Here's the thing... I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO SLEEP WITH ONE OF THEM! You wouldn't have a chance with one of them anyway. Don't worry. I'm asking who you wanted Bella to end up with!!! Christ, people.
• One girl answered the Edward or Jacob question with 'Christian Grey' which I loved. 
• One girl wrote she hated meanness, dirtiness and poverty. Again, very helpful for your secret santa to know you're a saint.

And that's it. That's all the note-worthy responses to that survey. And 14 girls are playing. Dis-uh-pointing. Please oh please oh please let me get one of the girls with a good sense of humor. I hope to use this opportunity to make a new, life-long friend by buying the most thoughtful, lovely, beautifully packaged secret santa gifts of all time.