Old vs new

Old friends are better than new friends. And I have the primo example of why this is true for you today.

I was just sittin' at my desk the other day, minding my business when the new engineer comes in and asks, "Hey! Do you like running?" to which, without hesitation, I responded "No, not at all, why?" She laughed, maybe thinking I was joking and said "Well, would you want to run in a 5k with me in March?" I responded with "uhhhhhhh...." to which she responded "It's just a 5k. You could probably run 3 miles right now if you really wanted to!"

Any "old friends" out there I played soccer with? Vouch for me here. I could not run 3 miles when I was in my peak physical condition, 17 years old and had almost a six pack. 3 miles was exactly how much the coaches asked us to run during conditioning days and they had to drive down the street with me yelling out their window to run like some inspirational sports movie. And I would roll my eyes and do that obnoxious girl jog foot shuffle that's slower than a walk? Yup. That was me.

But do you know what my stupid mouth said without consulting my legs, lungs, mind or lazy butt? I said, "Alright! It'll give me something to train for, right?" and off she skipped to her office while I wrote an email to my sister to complain about training for the 5k I had only committed to 30 seconds earlier. Ugggggh making new friends is so haaaaaaard.

This is the 5k we're running. Don't you dare say it looks like fun. When she sent me the link I maniacally laughed out loud and thought "I'd rather dye."

Fast forward 2 weeks. My little Lori texts and, I kid you not, asks me if I want to do a 5k with her. My response was immediately Hell No. No explanation. Honestly, she should really have known better. And that is why old friends are better than new friends.

Well, yesterday I found out new girl is no friend at all. I think she's evil, maybe. Do you know what this monster did?! She brought kolaches and donuts for the team for breakfast. For no good reason at all! JUST BECAUSE! Heather. I am training for a 5k, gawwwwd!

So I went to the gym at lunch yesterday to work off 1/10 of the single donut I indulged in and then went and got Subway after. And their cookies looked especially undercooked and gooey and I was helpless. 

Wednesday was a failure. I did drink just a crap ton of water, though. As if maybe that would dilute the bleached refined flour and sugars and regret out of my system.

Any ideas on how I can weasel out of running this 5k? And please don't send training tips or success stories or links to the Couch to 5k Website. I really just want advice on how to feign the flu or something. HELP!




**Heather, if you're reading this, it was meant 100% in jest. I'd run a million miles to be your friend! Okay, now that sounds stalkerish. Why is making adult friends so awkward?!